The Daily Grill

Too Smart?

Last Laugh

Movie funnyman Mel Brooks convinces New York governor George Pataki that he's wearing a "Support Bush In '04" sign taped to his back.

Bill's Game

Bill Gates, announcing his company's acquisition of
a majority of the countries on Earth, mentions
using the planet's new name: Microsoft World®

Ultimate Roadside Service

Special thanks to Heather Scotland for the idea! (Donate to her AIDS Marathon run NOW!)

Political Climate - A Sketch

LIGHTS UP ON TWO MEN (CARL AND STEVE), SITTING IN CHAIRS, EACH READING NEWSPAPERS.

CARL
Kerry sucks.

STEVE
Bush blows.

CARL
You Republican?

STEVE
Yeah. Democrat?

CARL
Yeah. Maybe we should switch candidates.

STEVE
If only it was that easy. I could never get around Kerry's flip-flopping and his dodgy war record in a conflict that everyone pretty much now knows was fucked up for us to be in in the first place.

CARL
Sure. And I wouldn't be able to reconcile that Dubya is a guy who left Harvard with a C average and couldn't keep any company he was the head of afloat, and yet he's now essentially the CEO of the free world and the stock is definitely down.

STEVE
There must be something about Kerry that you can say that would make me think about maybe voting for him.

CARL
Well...he's never killed a man.

STEVE
Outside of war, you mean.

CARL
Oh, right. How about Bush?

STEVE
HE'S never killed a man.

CARL
Outside of war.

STEVE
Uh...technically, yeah.

CARL
The bummer is, even if Kerry won, Bush would probably still be President. That's what happened last time.

STEVE
That's because of the electoral system.

CARL
So why did the Supreme Court have to issue a decision?

STEVE
I have no idea. Hell, I don't even understand the electoral college system. So you think it's futile to even vote?

CARL
For Kerry? Yeah, I guess so. Fuck it. I'm not even going to bother.

STEVE
If Bush is going to win no matter what, I guess I don't have to vote either.

BOTH MEN READ THEIR PAPERS FOR A BEAT.

CARL
The Lakers suck.

STEVE
The Clippers blow.

LIGHTS OUT.

DEAD CAN'T DANCE

This past week in California, Gov. Schwarzenegger signed a bill barring necrophobia. So you can no longer legally have sex with a dead person in the Golden State, although you may still, apparently, enjoy a platonic relationship with the deceased.

Dubya's Dubious Distinction

The Road To Wellville

Former President Clinton is believed to be out of danger following quadruple bypass surgery over Labor Day at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia. His doctors were encouraged that his recovery would be swift when Clinton, shortly upon awakening after surgery, made his first pass at a nurse.