The Daily Grill

Devolving Rapidly

The school district in Dover, PA, has voted that the high school teach Creationism as a viable alternative to Evolution, in terms of how Man got to be where he is today. I'd have to say that the very passing of that decision pretty much proves that there's not much to Evolution.

Getting Old Under Pressure

Once again, Science is proving what we already know: chronic stress causes premature aging. No duh. Have you seen pictures of the Pope, for instance? The guy looks terrible and he's only 28 or 29 years old.

The Other Other Other White Meat

A turkey with a new lease on life strutted around the Rose Garden at the White House yesterday. Then President Bush decided to go back inside.

Osama In 2008?

A movement to amend the Constitution to allow foreign-born citizens to run for President has kicked off on the internet. So now, instead of just chasing Osama Bin Laden, we could lure him out of hiding with hopes of getting elected to the White House.

That Olde Tyme Religion

The nation's Catholic bishops, in an attempt to "stop the erosion of marriage in our society" has voted to start a campaign against divorce, gay marriage, birth control, premarital sex, and unmarried cohabitation. If that goes well, they say they're going to bring back Prohibition, the Cold War and they'll start burning witches again.

Where America Shoplifts

Sears and K Mart are merging to take on rival Wal-Mart, which pretty much guarantees America's supply of crappy merchandise and listless fashion will continue without interruption.

Deer In The Headlights

The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety reports that cars and motorcycles crash into deer in this country more than 4,000 times a day. They're blaming the deer's use of cell phones on the increase.

Track Marks

Lionel, the model-train maker, has filed for bankruptcy. I guess they're just outdated but it's going to be weird to wake up Christmas morning to see planes flying around the tree.

Did They Bring Cigars?

Earlier this week in Las Vegas 43 Cuban dancers in the Havana Night Club show asked the U.S. for asylum. They first wasted three hours looking for the United Nations at New York, New York before locating an immigration official out at the Mustang Ranch. Remember: whomever defects in Vegas, stay in Vegas...

Chewing The Fat

Startling research coming to light at the Study of Obesity Conference in Las Vegas: low fat diets tend to help keep extra weight off! Wow. Next thing you know we're going to find out that not smoking cuts down on lung cancer! Go Science!