The Daily Grill

Oh, That's Gonna Help

A federal judge has ordered Exxon Mobil Corp. to pay damages to more than 10,000 gas station owners for overcharging on gasoline for more than a decade. Some say the ruling could cost the company $1.3 billion. So let's see: to raise the money to pay the damages, Exxon will...raise the price of gas. How is this a victory?

Take The Money And Run

JPMorgan Chase & Co. said Thursday it will offer a new credit card that allows users to pay for items by holding the card near a terminal instead of manually swiping it. Ironically, the new card will be easier for thieves to swipe.

Rebellion=Great Prices!

Uzbekistan's fragile opposition fears the violent suppression of a rebellion in the east, yet welcomes low, low prices at the country's many fine stores.

Abandoned With Abandon

A newborn baby abandoned in a Kenyan forest was saved by a stray dog who apparently carried her across a busy road and through a barbed wire fence to a shed where the infant was discovered nestled with a litter of puppies. The same dog was, however, unable to save the TV shows "Enterprise", "JAG", or "Tru Calling."

Put Me In, Coach!

Driving Like Crazy

Congress is working on tough new drivers license requirements for states to make applicants meet, including proving that they are US citizens. Unfortunately, nobody has said anything about making sure people can drive and talk on a cell phone at the same time.

Fishing For High Cholesterol

Here's a surprise -- a study shows that if you're trying to eat healthier by adding more fish to your diet, fish sticks don't count. It seems fish that are fried don't contain enough omega-3 fatty acids, the stuff that can improve cholesterol. Good to know -- I guess I'll have to go back to eating broiled seahorse.

Three More And We'll Have A Whole Hand

Another case of a found finger, this time in some frozen custard in Wilmington, North Carolina. Unlike a recent indcident at a Wendy's involving a found finger in some chili, this was an actual employee's digit. I want to assure Daily Grill readers that, in the event I should lose a finger while typing in my articles, I will alert you as soon as possible so as to minimize the shock of finding a severed digit in your humorous commentary.

Super Duper Size Me

Researchers seem stunned that obesity is increasing in wealthy Americans. Likes it's some kind of surprise that Mr. and Mrs. Deep Pockets can actually afford to buy more food than poor people.