The Daily Grill

In The Corner Pocket

In New York City, commuters have been facing random searches by police officers who are trying to thwart a potential terrorist attack. The extra precautions have already drawn complaints from some civil libertarians. The city should just commission pickpockets to do the searches -- commuters would never know they were being searched and rather than paying them, the pickpockets can just keep what they find.

In Your Face

Dr. Maria Siemionow is a microsurgeon searching for a patient who would be the first to undergo a face transplant. Although the surgery is deemed highly risky, those lining up to give it try include Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, and Karl Rove. One potential patient, Michael Jackson, was denied as it was declared that he's already overdone it.

Preventative Measures

An unrelenting heat wave is beinfg blamed for 11 deaths in Phoenix since Saturday, where temperatures have soared to a record high of 116 degrees. Thanks to widespread use of baby powder, however, not one of those deaths was attributed to prickly heat.

Mr. Smiley Gets The Ax

The smiling sun on Kentucky's license plates was just a bit too cheerful for most drivers and were met with ridicule when then-Gov. Paul Patton unveiled the design in December 2002. Gov. Ernie Fletcher is scheduled to announce Mr. Smiley is getting the hook at an upcoming news conference. "A lot of people found them to be so obnoxious they wouldn't put them on their cars," Fayette County Clerk Don Blevins said. "I think it's a fortunate situation that Mr. Smiley will disappear," said Republican state Sen. Tom Buford. "The state was not served well with an odd plate like that."

Practice Run

A faulty fuel-gauge reading forced NASA to call off Wednesday's launch of Discovery on the first shuttle flight since the Columbia disaster 2 1/2 years ago. The mission was put off until at least Saturday. The stories that one astronaut peed himself while another attempted to escape by climbing out one of the shuttle windows have not been substantiated.

Stamping IN Racism

Unofficial stamp #6 shows black civil rights activist Najee Ali being arrested by LAPD for allegedly refusing to disperse outside the Mexican Consulate in Los Angeles. He was protesting Mexico's sale of postage stamps featuring Memin Pinguin, a black comic book figure some civil rights groups consider racist.

Recruitment Down 9th Straight Month

Hang It Up Already

An Australian study has found that driving a car while using a cell phone is 4 times more likely to get you involved in a crash. I guess if the person you hit is also using a cell phone, the chances go up to 8 times more likely. Fortunately, the chances are very slim that the person you hit while you were talking on the cell phone was actually talking to you at the same time.

A Little Shaky On The Whole "Gambling With Your Health" Thing

A study at the Mayo clinic has linked drugs used to treat Parkinson's disease with a compulsive desire to gamble. I'd be willing to bet that's true...anyone want a piece of that action?

Defining Degrees Of Suckage

The Federal Reserve has issued tips on how to parse the minutes of the closed-door meetings of the Fed's policy-setting Federal Open Market Committee -- further lifting the veil of secrecy that had cloaked the secretive panel for years. Two Fed staffers offer guidance on how to gauge the depth of support for various policy-maker views expressed in the minutes. "To give an indication of how widely expressed a particular view is at a meeting, the minutes use common quantitative wording: 'all,' 'most,' 'several,' 'few,' or 'one,' in descending order," they wrote. To further de-mystify the inner working of the Fed, we suggest using simple phrases like "This month the economy sucks just a little bit less than it sucked last month."