The Daily Grill

Death & Dying

This past weekend saw the passing of actors Don Knotts (81) and Darrin McGavin (83). The adage goes that Hollywood deaths occur in threes and, while actor Jamie Farr (72) is still presumably alive and well, his career seems to have died.

That's Damn Cool

A new ad campaign to lure international tourist to Australia uses a mild Australian swear word as a key component in the catchphrase "Where the bloody hell are you?" The Australian government defended the use of the word, calling it "the great Australian adjective". The accompanying illustration is about as tame as we Americans could get trying to do the same thing.

You're In Trouble

Someone broke into a state probation and parole office in Wisconsin and made off with urine samples of those under court orders not to use alcohol or illegal drugs. Police have not announced any suspects but advised local residents not to accept any free yellow cocktails from strangers.

Genie Back In Bottle

It's been reveal that US intelligent agencies have been spending the last 7 years removing from public access thousands of historical documents at the National Archives that were available for years. The most astouding part of this loony program? It began in 1999 so we can't even blame President Bush for this bout of paranoia.

Mommy Steerist

Britney Spears has a simple explanation for driving around with her baby on her lap: "Airbags can mess up your makeup!"

Rich N' Bitch

Martha Stewart says her version of NBC's "The Apprentice" flopped this past fall because her show was supposed to start out by having her fire Trump on the air. "Having two 'Apprentices' was as unfair to him as it was unfair to me," she said. The Donald denied that The Martha was to have given him a pink slip, especially as he co-owns the show. Let me be the peacemaker: coming this fall to NBC, Donald Trump and Martha Stewart starring in a remake of "The Odd Couple".

New World Disorder

I haven't posted anything yet on the bizarre story about the story regarding Dubai Ports World, the company given permission to take over the port operations. Now I will. I mean, come on: a company from the Arab Emirates running operations at six major American ports? I'm sure the company itself is terrific -- well-run, great benefits, fantastic company picnic -- but do you think there's a chance a terrorist and his pals might be able to ace the interview and get jobs there? Michael Chertoff, the secretary of homeland security, defended the security review of the company but then, of course, his predecessor, Michael Brown, is the schmoe who booted the Katrina gig.

If this deal passes, how about we just hand Osama the men's room key?

Tater Nots

McDonald's eateries face at least three lawsuits claiming the fast-food giant misled the public. The suits are from people who suffered allergic reactions because they weren't told the french fries contain milk and wheat ingredients. Which is funny, because those are the same ingredients that make up the burgers.

It (Kind Of) Never Happened

Today in Vienna, Austria, right-wing British historian David Irving was sentenced to three years in prison after admitting to an Austrian court that he denied the Holocaust. The good news for him is that after his three years behind bars are over, Irving can deny ever having served time.

Lawyers Need Love, Too

It was inevitable, I suppose, but in the wake of the Vice President's shooting of lawyer Henry Wittington it's been announced that Pamela Anderson is going to start up PETA 2, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Attorneys.