The Daily Grill

Assume The Position

Victor Willis, the original policeman in the 1970s disco band the Village People, was arrested last Sunday on charges of drug possession and giving false identification to a police officer in South San Francisco. I wonder if he was offered any professional courtesy?

Don't Read Anything Into It

Resident George Walker Bush has named Joshua Brewster Bolten his new White House chief of staff to replace Andrew Hill Card. The announcement made me ponder: why is it the news media only uses someone's middle name when the person is either a politician or a serial killer?

Don't You Hate It When You Know The Boss Doesn't Like You?

Uh-oh. The American ambassador to Iraq says Resident Bush does not want Ibrahim al-Jaafari, the Iraqi prime minister, to remain the country's leader in the next government. You remember what happened the last time Bush didn't like the guy in charge there -- I hope al-Jaafari has himself a nice spider hole picked out.

Bread & Circuses Were Never This Banal

The newest lame of the lame as television desperately tries to lure back viewers has to be "It's The Shoes," a series about celebrities whose sneakers are a big part of their lives. Yeah, that's right. This load of televised tripe debuts on ESPN2 next Tuesday at 1 AM. And, thanks to Tivo, I won't miss an episode.

Another Big Ol' Surprise

So it seems that Halliburton, the world's second largest oil services company, repeatedly overcharged taxpayers and provided substandard cost reports under a $1.2 billion contract to restore Iraq's southern oil fields, according to a new report by U.S. Rep. Henry Waxman. Gee, another no-bid contract awarded from pals in the White House -- free enterprise doesn't get more expensive than this.

Anything Goes

Al-Qaida conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui testified Monday that he and would-be shoe bomber Richard Reid were supposed to hijack a fifth airplane on Sept. 11, 2001, and fly it into the White House. In addition, Moussaoui claimed that he and Santa Claus were slated to deliver presents last Christmas and also that he and Vice President Cheney were supposed to shoot Texas lawyer Henry Whittington together.

The Sound of Money

In the aftermath of the Dubai ports dispute, the Bush administration is hiring Hutchison Whampoa Ltd., a Hong Kong conglomerate, to help detect nuclear materials inside cargo passing through the Bahamas to the United States. It's the first time a foreign company will be involved in running a sophisticated U.S. radiation detector at an overseas port without American customs agents present. Ironically, the Chairman of Hutchison Whampoa, who has substantial business ties to China's government that have raised U.S. concerns over the years, is named Li Ka-Shing (rhymes with "Ka-ching!")

PU on the QT

According to a (formerly) confidential memo by Britain's top foreign policy advisor, Resident Bush made it clear in an Oval Office meeting with Prime Minister Tony Blair that war with Iraq was inevitable. It seems he was determined to invade without a second UN resolution, or even if international arms inspectors failed to find unconventional weapons. Blair probably would have mentioned it but, coming from a monarchy himself, he just figured the king can do whatever he wants anyway so why bother?

Oily AND Slimy

Last month, the Bush administration confirmed that it's expecting the government to waive about $7 billion in oil drilling royalties over the next five years. And that number could quadruple to more than $28 billion if a lawsuit filed last week challenging one of the program's remaining restrictions proves successful. "Taxpayers are being asked to provide huge subsidies to oil companies to produce oil," said Representative Edward J. Markey, a Massachusetts Democrat. "It's like subsidizing a fish to swim."
Hey, come on -- why so mean? Filthy rich, unfeeling, profit-mongering oil magnates may be a sub-species of human, but they're people, too!

Hypno-Creep