The Daily Grill

Have It Both Ways

Two Minute Warning

The Science of Misdirection

Karl Rove was called upon to testify yesterday for the fifth time for the grand jury investigating the case involving leaking the identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame. This thing's been hanging on the back burner for a while, but some action on this might just take some attention off of gas prices, Iraq or any of the other items available on Resident Bush's Burgeoning Buffet of Bungling.

You Voted For 'Em

Leaping into action, lawmakers in both parties now say they're ready to take a stern look at oil and gas incentives that THEY passed eight months ago. With record industry profits and huge executive pay packages, the Senate Finance Committee has asked the IRS to turn over tax returns for the nation's biggest oil and gas companies. They have to look at their tax returns??? How about just a visit to their neighborhood gas station?

Double Super Top Secret BS

Hidden in the latest Defense Department's ungodly huge spending request ($439.1 BILLION) is a provision that would hide all information relating to weapons programs that could cause mass casualties (i.e. how the entire clump of cash is being spent) from disclosure under the Freedom of Imformation Act. And yet the IRS gets to insist we tell them what we spend every cent on.

Fairly Unbalanced

Resident Bush moved Fox News Radio pundit Tony Snow up from his position as media flunky to media flak: the new White House press secretary. He replaces Scott McClellan and, like his predecessor, plans to put on 50 pounds while in the position. If this works out, Bush is considering naming Fox TV character Jack Bauer as his head of Homeland Security, William Devane as Secretary of Defense and "The Simpsons" millionaire Montgomery Burns will take over as Secretary of the Treasury. I'd like to throw my hat in the ring for Official White House Blogger.

Don't Stand For It

If you thought you were cramped the last time you flew coach, just wait -- airlines are experimenting with that they're calling a "standing room only" seat. It's basically a board you lean against with a strap to hold you down. The design's been used very successfully in the past...by the Spanish Inquisition.

Prexy On The Down Low

A new CNN poll shows that Resident Bush's public approval rating has fallen to a new low: 32 percent. Any Bush fans out there should not be dissuaded by the low numbers -- once he launches an attack against Iran, New Orleans gets turned into a memory this hurricane season and gas prices hit 5 bucks a gallon, those figures are sure to shoot right back up.

Happily Never After

Parents in Lexington, Mass, are up in arms after a teacher read a fairy tale to children in which the crown prince rejects a bevy of beautiful princesses until falling in love with another prince. The two marry, kiss, and live happily ever after. Unlike the wailing parents, I have no objection to the story per se (it IS after all, a fairy tale...) but I do take issue with the title: "King & King". Shouldn't it rightfully be "Queen & Queen"?

Sounds Like Anything

In a new audiotape -- which everyone knows can't be faked or dummied up in any way -- Osama bin Laden denounced the isolation of the Palestinian government and told Muslims to fight any peacekeeping force in Sudan. There were then about six and a half uninterrupted minutes of fart noises, followed by what sounded like a man trying to get his dog to bark the theme to "Mannix".