The Daily Grill

Mad Mel Beyond Malibu

Most everyone has heard about Mel Gibson's DUI in Malibu on Saturday in which he "acted like a person completely out of control." That according to Mel Gibson himself, who reportedly spouted anti-Semitic remarks, called a female sheriff's deputy "sugar tits", tried to evade arrest and threatened to take a leak in his holding cell. The funny thing is that his "drunken rage" was fueled by a blood alcohol level of .12, which is above the legal limit of .08 but still, for a real man, is pretty lame.

What Are We Saying That Would Make Them Listen?

Apparently our Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has managed to pull a wee concession from Israel late in the Armageddon Bowl on Sunday: an immediate 48-hour suspension of aerial strikes. People seem surprised they won't listen to us calling for a complete cease-fire, although many analysts feel the 2-day cessation of aerial bombing is a positive sign. Yeah, either that or Israel's just re-loading...

Prioritease

There's a quote in today's NYTimes from an unemployed steelworker with the unfortunate name of Alan Beggerow, who remarked on why he hasn't found another job: "I have come to realize that my free time is worth a lot to me." Uh, Alan? Apparently that free time is not worth a whole lot to anyone else, buddy.

Half Moon Bay Halfshell

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Daze N' Days

"Obviously, the violence in Baghdad is still terrible, and therefore there needs to be more troops." So said The Decider, White House Resident Bush, yesterday along with the announcement that more forces are to be shifted to Baghdad in an attempt to reclaim control of the Iraqi capital. I don't get it. So the war isn't going well?

I'm Saddam Hungry!

Saddam Hussein is in Day 16 of a hunger strike. He's being "voluntarily" fed through a feeding tube, though, so I'm not sure what his strike represents. "I'll eat, but not with my mouth! That will show you!" Because of his weakened condition, he won't be in court tomorrow for his trial, which is reaching its conclusion soon. I'm filing this under "Why Should We Care If A Deposed Despot Wants To Starve Himself To Death?"

Meekly Going

Looks like we've put Earth up for grabs. At least from NASA'S newly altered mission statement. Since 2002, the opening phrase was: “To understand and protect our home planet; to explore the universe and search for life; to inspire the next generation of explorers ... as only NASA can.” Now they've hacked off the "To understand and protect our home planet" part and converted the rest to: “to pioneer the future in space exploration, scientific discovery and aeronautics research.” Yawn. Why not paraphrase what Star Trek said so well 40 years ago? "To boldly go where no man has gone before."

Veto Us Back To The Stone Age

White House Resident Bush finally exercised his first veto of legislation since taking office. And on what? Runaway military spending? Inane immigration policies? Hysterical bird flu measures? No, all that stuff sailed across his desk. This was for increasing stem cell research, all because in his head he thinks it'll hurt babies. Never mind that the genetic material that would be used currently just gets tossed in the trash. And pay no attention to the amazing medical advancements this research would have helped to create. Just know that The Decider is making sure our country is marching forward to the past, and expect to soon be slipping on your button shoes, waistcoats and pantaloons on the way to Creationism class.

Cry Baby

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Kim Dunk Il

North Korea has been slammed the past few days with heavy rain, causing flooding and landslides. Hopefully loony toons dictator Kim Jong Il now realizes that his missiles are no match for our awesome weather machine. Yeah, South Korea's getting hit by the weather, too, but come on -- how easy do you think it is to aim a monsoon?