The Daily Grill

No Profit In The Prophet

A German opera house has cancelled a production of Mozart's "Idomeneo" because Berlin officials worried that Islamic extremists might get ticked off at several scenes in the opera that depict the severed head of Muhammed. Are there a lot of religious zealots taking in the opera these days?

Show Dogs

In the latest effort to sniff out movie pirating operations, a pair of black Labs, named Lucky and Flo, have been trained to smell for and react to the scent of DVDs. I guess it wasn't my imagination that most movies the past few years have been stinking up the place.

A Rough Idea Of Democracy

They've instituted a sweeping set of new laws in Iraq that makes it a crime for speech that makes fun of the government or its officials. In the past year a bunch of news hacks have been charged with "offending public officials" under these laws, some of which have been resurrected verbatim from Saddam Hussein’s penal code (also known as "The Despot's Guide To Making Friends"). Next time we bring our gift of democracy to a country, I say we include an instruction book.

Time To Stop Bucking Around

Headline in today's NYTimes: Democrats See Strength In Bucking Bush. I say it's about time -- he's been bucking the rest of us for the last six years.

Scariest Thing Ever

According to the latest Republican deal on terrorism trials and interrogations (one hesitates to call what Congress is doing these days "passing laws") would give White House Resident Bush wide latitude to interpret standards for prisoner treatment. Yeah, that's right. President Can't-String-A-Sentence-Together-Without-Tripping-Over-His-Own-Malaprops is going to be the final authority on determining what constitutes over-the-top torture. sniff, sniff Is that a future war crimes trial heating up I smell?

Fake New Makes News

Laugh or cry, there is something terribly wrong or right with the world when global luminaries such as Bill Clinton and, as of last night, Pakistan President Musharraf, choose to appear on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Whether they're looking to catch softball questions or reach out to a disenchanted, tired-of-the-B.S. young crowd, I think it's time to give props to Stewart and Company for reeling in the big fish. And I loved the response to Jon's "Seat of Heat" question: "If there was a popularity vote in Pakistan today between President George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden, who would win?" Musharraf's answer: "They would both fail miserably."

Your Tax Dollars At Odds

Check it out: the people WE pay to represent us, namely the U.S. House of Representatives, gave final approval on Tuesday to a massive funding bill for the Pentagon that provides $70 billion on top of the already $430 billion spent for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The House passed it 394-22 with virtually no debate. Why no debate? One guess. Give up? OUR lawmakers are too busy scrambling to finish up so they can really dig into campaigning for the November elections -- so they can get back to DC and spend more of our money. It would be a hell of a lot cheaper just to buy all our troops first class tickets back to the US once and for all.

Found In Translation

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Light 'Em Up!

A federal judge in Brooklyn gave the tobacco honchos a smackdown yesterday, ruling that morons who smoked light cigarettes in the strange belief that they'd be less addictive or harmful than the regular cyclindrical paper tube of burning leaves can go ahead with a class-action fraud claim. Darn -- just when the mavens of the tobacco industry thought they might be on a winning streak. It's thought that these so-called "lights cases" will be a major threat to the butt makers, exposing them to significant damages. Not unlike the threat of cigarettes to smokers themselves. Mmm, irony -- so smooth and satisfying!

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Oops

According to a classifed report called the National Intelligence Estimate, US intelligence agencies are attributing a direct role to the Iraq war in fueling terrorism as well as the rise and spread of a "jihad ideology." So, much like the vaunted War of Drugs, the War on Terror is actually causing the problem to increase. Gee, who could have guessed that? So, of course, we'll HAVE to raise taxes to throw more money and manpower at it. Who knows? If this keeps up, maybe we'll finally get to reinstitute a good ol' fashioned draft!