The Daily Grill

Election 2006: Children Of A Lesser God

It's fantastic watching Senasnore John Kerry mixin' it up with White House Resident Bush. Just shows us how infantile and petty our elected officials are becoming. If you missed it, Bush is upset because of Kerry's statement to some California students that those unable to navigate the educational system "get stuck in Iraq." (It may not be true, but it's a great scare tactic to keep kids in school!) Bush insists Kerry owes the fighting men and women of our military an apology, stating that they are "plenty smart". Plenty smart? Kerry SHOULD have threatened the students that an inability to get through the educational system might get them stuck in the Oval Office.

Blowing Of The Ol' Horn

Normally I wouldn't use this space for self-back-patting, but I'm pretty happy to have been a part of, along with my associate Jonathan Littman at our Simmer Think Tank & Tiki Lounge, as well as with our "stealth design guru" Bill Murray, designing the brand spanking new corporate logo for Garmin International. It's already gracing the outside of their soon-to-open first GPS store in Chicago and will also appear on their products in the future, including models of nüvi, the nifty high-end travel assistant we named last year.

Cheney Unchained...Or Is That Unhinged?

In the latest Republicrap version of "The sky is falling!", it's Vice President Dick Cheney doing his impression of Chicken Little. He says that insurgents in Iraq have increased attacks to try to sway next week's U.S. elections --- not to mention that they are reportedly surfing the Web to keep tabs on American public opinion. "They're very sensitive to the fact that we've got an election scheduled," said America's Dick. Yeah, right. In a country where phone service is a myth and electricity's a joke, Al Queda's got a reliable web connection and are somehow exerting control on our voting choices. Next up: Mexico's economy blows just so we'll feel sorry for illegal immigrants and the euro is kicking the dollar's ass just so we'll get more competitive and spend more. Dick, the world isn't all about us, bubby. Why don't you relax and take a few close friends hunting?

Click on the phodoodle to see related festoonery!

The Greening Of The Web

It's begun. The Wild West that was the Internet is rapidly disappearing in a swarm of sheep farmers, settlers and revenuers. All the "edgy" sites are being snapped up by the buttoned-down corporate borgs -- Yahoo had been bought by SBC and has gone from fun to frumpy; Google bought YouTube, Sony bought Grouper, Microsoft continues to gorge itself and all the rest of the small innovative outfits are being scooped up, too. Because of the Big Boys making their plays, it's beginning to wreak havoc. Viacom has requested that YouTube take down some Viacom videos, including shows by comedians Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, as well as clips from MTV Networks and BET. See, the free plugs when YouTube was small potatoes was great -- now it's all about the money.

The next step? Watch for the companies that run the blogs (the ones that AREN'T coprorate yet) start to get snapped up and then the new owners start squashing people who speak up and out. Which means THe Daily Grill will soon be resorting to jokes about the differences between dogs and cats, bad drivers and why isn't airline food better.

Oh, Steer Feces!

Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff says the US has to create a new "guest-worker program" rather than trying to rely on tougher border enforcement to stop the flood of illegal migrants in the country. "Guest-worker", of course, is a euphemism for "legal illegal alien" and is part of the 2006 Bush Administration phrase book. Other entries include "detainee" (illegally-held and presumed-innocent suspect); "domestic electronic surveillance program" (illegal and unConstitutional wire-tapping) and "intelligence reports" (clueless and wild-assed guesses as to what the hell is going on in the world.)

Salga The Vote*

Foreign control, anybody? First the Bush Administration tries to give over security at a number of US ports to the Dubai Ports World company. Now some of the votes being tallied in the upcoming November 7th elections are being handled by Smartmatic, a company owned by Venezuelan interests. The connection is being investigated by the Senate Committee on Foreign Investment and, although the company claims there's no connection between its ownership Venezuelan president and vehement America-hater Hugo Chávez, I'd still like to know why a foreign company is running US voting machines at all. Maybe we just outsource the voters, too.

*salga is Spanish for "get out"

Is Anyone Checking?

Remember back a ways when the Supreme Court ordered the CIA to shut down its secret torture prisons overseas? I'm just curious how we're supposed to know if that ever actually happened. I recall some of the people being held were transferred to the US and Gitmo, but if the prisons were secret to begin with, what's to stop the spooks from keeping 'em going? Just curious...

Return Of The Gay Bogeyman

Just in time for the November elections, the New Jersey Supreme Court has thrown the Republicramps one last straw to grasp. Their recent ruling that gay couples are entitled to the same legal rights and finanacial benefits as "breeders" has relit the fuse on the largely-extinguished issue of gay marriage. With White House Resident Bush leading the way, the GOP is waving the "Evils Of Gay Marriage" flag hard and fast, in hopes it will misdirect the American voters from seeing the Iraq war, the unlawful wiretapping, the huge gas prices and all the other things that actually matter. You can bet that somewhere in his evil political science laboratory, Karl Rove is putting together a gay couple made up of two Islamic terrorists...

Rushing To The Bottom

Ultra-conservative douche bag -- oops, I mean "commentator" -- Rush Limbaugh has reached a new low by attacking someone with Parkinson's Disease. On a recent broadcast, he lambasted actor Michael J. Fox for his appearance in recent political campaign ads in which he supported Democranky Senate candidate Claire McCaskill and her pro-stem cell research stand. In the ads, Fox is clearly in the throes of the disease' effects, which Limbaugh brayed was an indication that the actor was either off his meds or acting. Limbaugh apologized for his comments later in the show, having either suddenly realized that he has no medical training or else his Oxycontin must have kicked in.

(If you haven't seen the ads, it's pretty heartbreaking to watch Fox. You can check it out on YouTube. If this is the sort of thing stem cell research can prevent in the future, White House Resident Bush and the rest of the Pro-Life-Medieval-Leech-Treatment-Luddite morons have their chromosomes plugged in backwards -- but then, we knew that already...)

Next Time, Have Something To Plug

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Demosyncratic rival for the California governorship, Phil Angelides, got shot down in his bid to grab some equal time on NBC stations following Arnie's appearance on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." The FCC is clearly a RepubliMuppet, as they dubbed the Leno spot as a "bona fide news interview." Excuse me? "The Tonight Show" is great fun, but proclaiming that an interview that happens on it is news is like calling Geraldo or Katie Couric a journalist. (On the other hand, Angelides being considered at all gubernatorial is like regarding George W. Bush as presidential...)