The Daily Grill

Juicy Harvest

A few regular readers of The Daily Grill have asked why I haven't had any jokes yet about Idaho's Senator Larry Craig and his whole cruising for male tail in a men's room debacle. My response? While the humor here is hardly high brow, I draw the line when it comes to going after the low-hanging fruit.

UPDATE: The Senate went back into session yesterday after their summer vacation and Larry Craig didn't show up. Did anyone think to check the men's room?

Lead Astray

Did you see this latest in the "imports from China" scandal? U.S. Custom officials just found a shipment of latex house paint filled with lead toys.

Gonzy's Gone

The word is out that White House Resident Bush's Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has tossed in the terrycloth and is resigning his post. Got to give it to Gonzy, though -- the man hung in there through some brutal times, all brought on by himself and his stubborn need to be a shield for all things shady in the current administration. But, like all rats on a sinking ship, there comes a time to desert and now that Karl Rove is diving into the cleansing waters of the private sector, Gonzales is following suit. Man, by the time this lame duck presidency sails into port, Bush is going to look like Captain Jack Sparrow as the sole man aboard, clinging valiantly to the top of the mast in the first Pirates of the Caribbean.

Tap Dancing Around The Truth

Mike McConnell, the director of national intelligence for the Bush administration (there's a self-cancelling phrase if there ever was one...) is the first one of the rat patrol to confirm that American telecoms played a active role in the NSA wiretapping scheme. This after more than a year of strident insistence that anything the phone companies did in regards to the program was a “state secret.” Basically, when the trenchcoated spy guys came calling and wanted to secretly jack into the system, AT&T and the other slime weasels that we pay to convey our communications put up about as much resistance as one of Michael Vick's dogfighting buddies when faced with jail time. Brings a whole new meaning to "rollover minutes".

Idiots On Parade

According to a report released today, 60 people inside the CIA saw reports referring to two of the terrorists involved in the 9/11 attack but did nothing to pass the info along to anyone in their agency or beyond that could do anything about it. Great. In a world of thugs, spies and assassins, the fate of America's safety falls on the shoulders of middle managers who just want to clear their inbox before they can go home. American spy agencies like the CIA and the NSA should think about publishing all their reports online. Let America's conspiracy freaks go through that stuff! They'll find the connections faster than a peek inside Halliburton's stockholder list.

Ho Ho No

Various world powers are now laying claim to chunks of the North Pole (before it melts into actual chunks...), with the United States arriving late to the party behind Russia and Canada. Everyone wants to grab up the "potential" that there may be oil and minerals to be had. No one seems to be considering how pissed off the real owner is going to be when he shows up in his big red suit and not being quite so jolly to find people trampling all over his elf breeding grounds.

Bush's Brain; Exit Stage Left

So Karl Rove, the Gepetto to White House Resident Bush's Pinocchio, has announced he's bowing out at the end of the month. Savvy enough to know the stink is on, Rove is sliding back to Texas and the private sector on a slick sheen of his own natural slime. He'll be gone before they can even scapegoat him. Guess it's good to be the guy behind the curtain behind the king.

NASA = Not Able to Stop Accidents

What is it with the National Aeronautics & Space Agency? Their spacecraft have double, triple and even quadruple redundancy systems aboard but it seems every time a space shuttle goes up, some of the insulating foam falls off and damages the thermal tiles on the outside. Endeavour is the victim of the latest "foam ding" and now the astronauts floating around the International Space Station and fretting over the 3-1/2 inch gouge left in the tiles, which could screw up their attempt at re-entry. You'd think they'd have figured out to store a case of spare tiles and some Super Glue at the space station so they could just slap on some new ones instead of whining about it.

Toy Market

In case anyone still thinks the stock market is some kind of real economic barometer, hopefully they were shaken out of their dream state when central banks around the world, including the Federal Reserve (which is about as governmental a body as Federal Express...) pumped "tens of billions of dollars" into fluctuating global stock exchanges. Specifically, to try to stabilize the rollercoaster ride of this past week, the Fed alone dumped $24 Billion in Thursday, then chunked another $38 Billion in yesterday. Pretty safe to say, with all that artificial lettuce making the salad bar look full, now would be a good time to load up your plate and get out.

A Dose Of Dopes

A District of Columbia Appeals Court voted 8 to 2 against a case that would have recognized the right of terminal patients to use untested drug treatments as Constitutional. We're talking terminal. People who are going to die anyway. I say let 'em take whatever the hell they want -- they can't lose twice.