The Daily Grill

The Attitude Formerly Known As Moxie

Gotta admire the large and festive balls hung on corruption-tainted Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who has named former state attorney general Roland Burris to take over Barack Obama's vacated U.S. Senate seat. He must not like Burris much, considering the poor guy's likely to be grilled, raked and blasted in addition to being vetted for the gig. As GuvRod put it in his best little-boy-sent-to-his-room voice: "As governor I am required to make this appointment." You know what, Blago? I bet they'd been willing to give you a pass on this one and let whomever gets the governor seat next do the deed.

Free Time

As crappy as 2008 may have been for you, not too mention how bad the economy is taking it in the shorts right now, every man, woman and child is being given, at the end of the year, a whole second. And it's absolutely free!

In case you missed it, the eggheads at the US Naval Observatory are hanging an additional second on the tailend of 2008, in order to keep the world's atomic clocks in sync. (Due to the Earth's gradually slowing spin on its axis, we're losing bits of time all the time. I think it's high time Al Gore starts beating his drum to do something about Global Timing...)

So what are you going to do with your extra bonus second this year? As for me -- I need a minute to think about that...

The Return of Snowzilla

The only thing better than a regular snowman has got to be a 25' tall snowman. "Snowzilla" has been steadily growing each of his last three annual appearances in a community of Anchorage, Alaska, and while visitors and the world at large enjoy him, the Anchorage city council has issued a "cease and desist" order against Snowzilla's popping up. The dictate is actually against Billy Powers, the father of seven in whose yard the frosty monstrosity rises up from each winter. In what's clearly a case of hatred against snow-beings, the neighbors complain of traffic problems caused by sightseers, while the city council (or "Scrooge League") cites a safety hazard by the very presence of the snow monster. (It might also have something to do with the fact Powers owes the city some 100 grand in fines on other issues.) Where's Anchorage's holiday spirit? I say screw 'em all and let Snowzilla wreak havoc on the town full of humbugs!

Don't Tread AT Me

What was interesting this past Sunday about Muntader al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist, heaving his shoes at White House Resident Bush during a Baghdad press conference was that he threw both shoes. You'd think the Secret Service would have been on the guy after the first footwear salvo. But no. I guess they're getting lax during his lame duckery. I just wonder if, just like after the shoe bomber incident on the airlines if now the White House press corps will have to remove their shoes prior to covering Presidential matters.

The Dismantling of America

The Senate tripped and fell on their way to deciding the $14B automaker bailout. They pulled the plug. Yanked the rug out from under. Shut off the lights on their way out the door. Though seemingly unlikely, there's a very real possibility that the Big 3 will end up selling off their brands and assets to automakers overseas (kind of like the way Budweiser is now a Belgian product...) With all of the migration of every kind of industry heading off to lands where labor is cheap and the political favors cheaper, it may just be a matter of time before the United States starts looking like one of those big Mervyn stores in their final days (or Federated, Circuit City, The Good Guys, ad infinitum), where the only things left to sell are the racks and other fixtures.

And sure it will be cool to own one of those lugnut-tightening robots off a defunct Ford assembly line. Or have a used chassis hoist in your garage to hold that 3rd car aloft. The irony being, of course, that none of the cars in your garage will be American-made. Yes, they might say GM. Or Ford. Or Chevrolet. Probably hyphenated with Toyota or Honda or BMW.

It probably serves Detroit -- and us -- right. This is the same industry that created the Sport Utility Vehicle out of NO market demand for such a machine. Until they rolled off the line, Americans didn't know they wanted one. But the automakers were pretty confident that, if they built it, we would come. I suspect their attempts to produce anything but gas-guzzling pollution-spewing behemoths were propelled by the oil industry. And now they're spinning madly in a circle, trying to identify the bite marks in their asses.

But where are we going to go? And, equally important, how are we going to get there? I exclusively drove Fords since 1992. Up until two years ago. That's when my Ford dealer suggested I should check out the Mazda across the street. No matter the two lots were owned by the same dealer -- the point was that there was one less hunk of American metal rolling off the lot that day.

I wonder if this is the way the British felt two century turns ago when the Empire was gasping its last. Probably didn't even know what hit them until they saw an ad on the telly for H. Salt Esq. Fish & Chips. The recipe and its owner having fled London for California before opening up their shop for the first time on American soil.

That flaky fish dish provides the perfect condiment for trying to choke down what's happening to this country -- would someone please pass the vinegar?

Spare Change

It's nice to know that, even in bleak economic times, stories about crooked politicians are the humorists' gift that keeps on giving. The latest eruption of corruption is Illinois governor and alleged slimeball Rod Balgojevich, who was arrested for trying to grab the best stuff he could from people looking to get his appointment to the used Senate seat being vacated by White House Resident-Elect Barack Obama. Between the guv and the low lifes who figured they'd buy their way into office, the residents of Illinois would be better served slapping that Senate seat up on eBay.

Flailing While Bailing

What the hell is Congress doing? They approve a whacked-out $700 billion bailout plan for Wall Street with little or no accountability for an industry that produces nothing but red and black numbers. Then they make the Big 3 automakers sweat and grovel for a handout that, while ridiculously large ($25 to $35 billion) is still a pittance compared to the previous amount. And the automakers actually make something! Just because it's a product that a lot of Americans are not asking for isn't the point...

One interesting point is that Big Bro didn't ask to be cut in as a partner with the car makers like he did the banks. What's up with that? Detroit not good enough for the wannabe central banking set?

And why is it that we have to be put in a position of bailing out the auto industry, anyway? Remember the last two years? When gas prices were atrociously high and the oil companies were pulling in billions of dollars in sheer profit, quarter after quarter? It makes more sense that they should be ponying up a big ol' cash life preserver for the companies largely responsible for their windfall.

In the case of both of these bailout situations, the true solution should simply be that large chunks of money should just be forked over to the American people. Not because we're brilliant en masse or that we deserve it but because we would know what to do with all of that deliciously filthy lucre -- we'd spend it. Every bit of it. End of crisis. America saved!

At least until next month.

Quacky Bernanke

The latest economic salvation note, sounded today by Federal Reserve Chairman and misstepping oracle Ben Bernanke, is for banks to do more to halt home foreclosures. He thinks that write-downs of principal "may need to be part those efforts." Which means he's GUESSING? So far most of the measures he and Treasury Secretary Henry "Wonderboy" Paulson have hauled up the flagpole have pretty much sucked. And every time the guy opens his mouth, the stock market takes a dive faster than a crooked boxer. I think the best solution for economic recovery in the short term is for Babblin' Ben to just keep his yap shut.